Gentlemen, Take Heed...

... cause my man does.

Zach Attack

Just a quick announcement: Zach is back!

Zach, my gay manfriend with model good looks, is back in the apartment and staying for the summer! Be on the lookout for fantastic stories of gay bars and intrigue. 

Q and A with Zip

Q: Zip, do you have any ideas for day 2's that are out of the ordinary? I'm only 19 so bars, clubs, etc. are out of the picture. I'm just sick of the whole dinner and a movie thing being an option and would like to have some fun alternatives instead of the boring classic.

Zip’s Answer: We’re sick of the whole dinner and a movie thing too.  Get creative. Make up your own date. Take her to mini-golf, grab a bottle of wine and head to a free concert in your area, or make a simple dinner together (fajita night.)  Todd Richmond, a PUA I know from New York, came up with a brilliant idea: Adventure Day. He went grocery shopping with his lady and made it into a scavenger hunt. He took her to a crazy-ass museum in NY. He went to the harbor. He basically turned their day into an insane adventure for two.

Some of the best day-two’s I’ve had were horseback riding on the Brooklyn beach, going to the Moma and making fun of ridiculous art we didn’t get, picnicking at an outdoor theatre event, adult easter-egg hunting, going to a random college track meet and listening to “Eye of the Tiger” on a shared iPod... playing strip jinga. Revert to what you did before you just chilled with your bros and drank brews every weekend… when you were seven, what were some silly things that you enjoyed? Make an adult version, and BOOM, there you go.

Q: I’m traveling South America right now, Argentina has by far the hottest women here wow its ridiculous... look, personally I think I have amazing game.  I loved to talk to women even before I knew about the community.  I always loved the game.  I did a lot of the things with out ever hearing about the game... amazing thing I learned was neggin.  I used to not do that.  But after that obviously I improved a lot... but lately it’s been horrible girls just don’t let me game.  I talk to them start convo and they don’t want to hear anything they don’t give u the chance... I’ll open and they respond soo bad if I neg them they get a little cho0cked and than they just turn around... like nothing lately. 

Zip's Answer: Either you’re not calibrating to the situation, you've become dependent on "negging," or you aren't "negging" properly. A lot of guys don't get this: a "neg" is, by definition, a negative remark towards a girl designed to break her indifference to you by showing her that you are indifferent to her beauty (or other striking features). An example would be, "Those nails are really interesting. Are they real?" or "Your nose wiggles when you talk. Look, there it goes again!" I'm betting you're not negging, you are insulting. 

You  have become dependent on negging because it gave you positive results for a while. Now, that dependence is biting you in the ass. Generally, if a girl throws out a bitch shield, you have to take what she says, turn it around on her in a PLAYFUL way. Negging is always done with a smile and a cocked head. It’s a tool, not a raison detre. Drop the crutches. Start experimenting with other ways to play (i.e. banter, role play, direct game, etc.) This is EXACTLY why I believe it’s so important to learn as many different methodologies as you can, experiment, and work out a system that is specific to you as a congruent human being.

Q: My name is Ben and I consider myself a natural, but I have also been implementing the game. Anything to get better right, but I have several questions that I haven't been able to get answered so hopefully you can help.

My major problem is having woman interpreting my "friendliness" as coming on to them or hitting on them, so they automaticaly go into defense mode and never let me get to my actual material.

So heres my question: What are good disqualifiers or how do I show them that my motives are not "bad" or sexual. I feel that I do very well once I know a girl and we have talked for more than 5 minutes, but those first moments seem very tense.

Zip's Answer:  What you interpret as “friendliness” is obviously triggering defensive behavior, and you’re dealing with a girl’s shield before you can get to the good “material.” No go. Now, you say that you’ve been implementing the game, so if you’ve tried canned material, and you have the same reaction, I’d look to your body language. In other words, it may not be “what” you are saying, but “how” you are saying it. At least, that’s a means to open her up in a way that is non-threatening so you can “get to the good stuff” like banter, negging, comfort building, kino, and closing. Girls are born with an innate sense… they can smell ulterior motive from a guy. They’ve been dealing with men wanting stuff from them since they grew boobs. Body language is the first step in creating a frame that a girl will want to step into.

Now, if you are sure that you don’t have overly alpha aggressive body language, the disqualifiers route is a way to go. There are active disqualifiers and passive disqualifiers. You can actively tell a girl, “I can tell you have a really intuitive sense about people. Man, I have to hire you to help me find a good girl for Valentine’s Day.” Now, let’s say she throws you a shit test. “What the hell are you wearing? That shirt is gay.” Go with it; Passively disqualify yourself: “I stole this shirt from some old lady earlier this week. Do you think she was gay or is that your way of telling me you can tell I’m a total rebel without a cause. I think it’s the latter, help me out here! You can be my sensitivity coach.” Play with her. Girls will drop their shield because playing around is safe.   

Q: While this may sound like something covered everywhere, I'd like to know how to cold approach girls in non-social environments. I'm talking about in between classes on campus, on the city bus, in thebookstore, at a cafeteria, in the library, walking around town, the mall, even the girl working at a drive through Dutch Bro's coffee shop...How do you open that conversation and accelerate it to leaving with a phone number or meeting at a later date?  Also, question two, what do you do for the girls that give you their numbers, are flirtatious, but are already dating another guy that they mention in conversation?

Zip's Answer: Aaaaah! Day Game! Here’s the different and wonderful thing about day game: No one has their “game face” on. Girls are just girls. Boys are just boys. Therefore, all you have to do is open her with ANYTHING relevant to the situation. If you’re walking down the street, you stop a girl with a non-soliciting vibe. (You don’t want to come across like one of those guys passing out discount haircut fliers.) Just be a nice human being, stop a girl, ask where you can get a gourmet “non-Starbucks” coffee. That’s your damn opener. It’s just to get you talking. Then, you vibe with her and go on as usual from there. Bounce with her. Make it casual.

Another way to get a girl during the day is to implement direct game. Say you’re on a bus. You see a really cute girl. Go up, ask if this seat is taken, pop a squat, and tell her your intention is to grab a burger with her sometime. Or, just go up, make sure you’re not bothering her and that she knows your only staying for a second, and tell her that you just couldn’t deal with the guilt for the rest of the day if you didn’t tell her you thought she was really cute. “I’m going to go back and read my book over there, but I just had to tell you how adorable you are.” Then, you’ve either made her day and she’ll go with it, or you break it off and make her think about it.

The problem with day game is that guys have social approach anxiety. It’s not necessarily about the girl, it’s about people hearing you. Keep this in mind: It’s not about them. Screw ‘em. Also keep in mind, everyone will probably be rooting you on. This stuff only happens in movies, which is why the girl usually LOVES it and the crowd is totally on your side. Use it.

AFC Adam Lyons Engaged!

Congratulations to Adam Lyons and Amanda Torres on your recent engagement! 

Just don't honeymoon in Mexico. 

The FPUA Round Table Series

I've recently been in contact with some of the top ladies in the community. These women are absolutely incredible, and I've envisioned a project that would utilize our contact to the utmost potential...

The Female Pick-Up-Artist Round Table Series will be a giant interview with the female leaders of PUAdom. Basically, we're going to get together and share our vast experience, groundbreaking theories, projections for the future, and some scandalous stories of run-ins with the gurus. 

Gentlemen, fasten your seat-belts. Get ready for a bumpy ride...

Coming soon...

AFC Adam Lyons Bootcamp

Well, this weekend was one of the busiest weekends ever. I started working as a singer on this ship that sails around Manhattan, and I helped Adam Lyons with personal in-field instruction for his bootcamp in NYC. I also gave a little speech at the American PUA Training Summit this afternoon. 

If you're one of the fantastic gentlemen that I met this weekend... and you're looking for the free material Adam was talking about... here's the link. 

It will take you to my advice thread on forum that I moderate, mpuaforum.com. Zip's Perspective has been going on for about a year an a half. It's 77 pages of free advice I given to guys all over the world. Remember, the first few pages are answers I gave a LONG time ago... so really look into the more recent material if you want to get a true insight to how my cumulative experience as a trainer and as a social dynamics researcher has shaped and molded my view. 

I wanted to say that Adam was an absolutely inspirational trainer. One point that I found particularly awesome was Adam's suggestion of fighting to become who you deserve to be. Instead of looking at progression as work, going through the motions, or making excuses... fight against self-limiting beliefs and obstacles. Something like that, anyway. It sounded smart when he said it. 

Amanda, Adam's girlfriend, is just as beautiful as everyone says she is. I mean, the girl is an absolute knockout. What I didn't expect was that she turned out to be a nice person. It's really bizarre how hot AND sweet this girl is. I wish I had the chance to hear what she talked about at the Summit meeting today. Anyone that was there... fill me in. 

Good weekend, good times. Now, it's nap time. 

AFC Adam Lyons Bootcamp

I'm getting ready to go help out at Adam Lyons' bootcamp in NYC this weekend. I'll edit this post and let you know how it went ;)

The Gay Man Inside Me...

... just exploded in diva fierceness. 

Man Hunt

Update

Hey everyone!

Just a quick update. I'm on vacation in Panama City, Panama for the week. I'm staying in a villa, and enjoying the rain forest and beaches. It's very interesting studying the people here. All the women dress up, and it's been said that the greatest female accessory in Panama is cleavage.

It's a beautiful country, and I'm set to enjoy it for the rest of the week. I'll be back in New York, working, on Monday.

And, yes, I took that picture while hiking around the jungle. 

The Game for Women: The Rules

As social dynamics and the "pick-up" arts becomes more and more mainstream, there has been an exponentially increasing influx of women to the PUA forums. On mpuaforum.com, the forum where I am the sole female moderator, I'm pretty much personally in charge of watching the women who come on the forum. First order of business is to figure out if they are really a "woman" or just the alter-ego of some dude pushing a product.

Next, I warn them not to push themselves on the forum as a female opinion from which newbies and PUAs can learn. I think it's just haughty. When I came onto the forum, I came to learn and to help others learn in the process. I don't think that being a chick gives you the automatic authority to advise or teach men how to pick up women. So much of attraction is subconsciously triggered... unless a woman is educated in subconscious base brain theory and how attraction chemically and socially happens, then she will tell others what she THINKS she wants.

Before I get emails from angry women, let me give you an example. Ask your mother what she thinks makes a good boyfriend. She'll say, "A gentleman who holds the door for people, is handsome, wealthy, and responsible." All that is nice and grand (I love chivalry... I am a southern woman.) However, that's not what your mom is REALLY attracted to. Her first crush was probably the asshole popular jock on the football team, or the James Dean rebellious kid skidding off the high school campus on his motorcycle.

Either she dated someone because she was attracted to his social proof, his preselection, his leadership skills, or his ability to make her feel comfortable. When her friends asked, "Why are you dating him? He's not your type! I thought you liked tall, dark, and handsome men?" She would shrug, smile, and reply, "There's just something about him!"

So, as male social dynamics rolls ahead into its third generation of methodology, where does it leave us Venusian-arts-inclined females? Where does it leave women who are blissfully unaware of pick-up but want to bag a high quality man? Where does it leave women who want to improve their appeal to the opposite sex? Where does it leave women who want to get married? Where does it leave women who just want to have fun with attractive mates?

The majority of men who are reading this will probably say, "Are you kidding!?! Women can get anyone they want, any time they want." Wrong.

Modern men have been spoiled by women who give them too much, too fast. I blame women.

Modern men have been encouraged by other men to move on to the next conquest. I blame men.

Modern men have been taught to not catch "oneitis" or be too needy. I blame Pick-Up Artists... myself included.

The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is, what many have argued, the female version of Neil Strauss' The Game. The cover proudly thrusts an engagement ring in the viewer's face, boldly proclaiming that marriage is the goal of this methodology.

My first reaction: I am offended. I am a modern woman, a damn dating coach. How anti-feminist and antique is this wad of crap! There is no way that anything in this book can pertain to modern women or modern dating. Besides, I don't want to get married right now.

I read the book.

I realize that this book pretty much describes everything that I do when I am trying to secure a long term relationship with a high value man.

The book is absolutely and incredibly right on. If you want to get married, this book will make it happen. I'd bet money on it. If you want to make a man fall absolutely in love with you (not a specific man, mind you.... some high quality man out there) then this is the book to follow.

How does the book work? It plays against the "easy" or "needy" women that men are constantly being spoiled by and recaptures some 1950's mystery and unavailability. A few examples of The Rules:

1.) Be a creature unlike any other!

2.) Don't talk to a man first (and don't ask him to dance)

3.) Don't stare at men or talk too much

4.) Don't meet him halfway or go dutch on a date

5.) Don't call him and rarely return his calls

6.) Always end phone calls first.

7.) Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday

8.) Fill up your time before the date

9.) Always end the date first

10.) Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine's

11.) Don't see him more than once or twice a week

12.) No more than casual kissing on the first date

13.) Don't rush into sex

14.) Don't tell him what to do

15.) Let him take the lead

16.) Don't expect a man to change or try to change him

17.) Don't open up too fast.

18.) Be honest but mysterious

19.) Don't live with a man or leave your things in his apartment.

20.) Don't date a married man

21.) Slowly involve him in your family

22.) Take care of yourself

23.) Be easy to live with

Are The Rules and The Game mutually exclusive? I think that both have different goals, but not necessarily. I'd certainly guess that a Rules girl and a Game guy would have an incredibly interesting courtship. They'd probably be so attracted to each other, they would have a hard time with 12 and 13.

Back to my previous question: What about the girls who aren't looking for marriage? What about the girls who are successful and independent? The Rules authors say that you should do the rules anyway or risk losing the attraction. Women who call men send a message. Women who are so in touch with who they are that they open up too much on the first date send a message. The Rules argues that it is the wrong message.

I'm making it my personal mission to test this theory.

To be Continued...

Tricks Gets Roofied... at a Gay Bar

Well, ladies and gentlemen... we're back!

After a two month hiatus, thedirtylaundryblog.com is back and better than ever! We've got a brand new look and brand new scandal! I'm still working with puatraining.com, mpuaforum.com, and I'm still writing for pickuppodcast.com. I'm pleased to announce that I'll be writing for TSB magazine as well. I'll update you when my first article is published. OOOH... and I'll be helping out with Adam Lyons' April bootcamp in New York City. Sign up at puatraining.com

On to the latest...

I went to meet a very good friend of mine, Medic, at the times square AMC movie theater to see Watchmen. Dr. Manhattan- word. I'm a big fan of the graphic novel, and a big fan of blue nakedness.

On the way home, I received a phone call to meet Bird, Zach, and Tricks at Posh (a friendly gay bar in Hell's Kitchen.) I re-rout the cab and go in. I meet my three friends at the bar, where Bird is ordering a round of screwdrivers for my friends. I'm getting compliments on my super faboosh 80's inspired ensemble.

Then, Tricks does something I've never seen her do before. She puts down her drink on the bar and says she's done. WHAT? Tricks is a Hooters girl who can drink her weight in Smirnoff and pirouette. She goes down to the basement to use the ladies room.

It's about 2am, and I've been in the bar for 15 minutes. Tricks has been down in the bathroom for 10 of them. Bird and I are talking on the raised lounge behind the dance floor while Zach flirts with a really handsome entertainment agent. Zach is drawn to anything that hints at fame, and I love that about him.

Zach gets a phone call from Tricks. She's in the basement. I know something's wrong, so I head down the stairs. I see a couple making out at the bottom of the stairs... and then I see Tricks on the floor under the stairs. I give the couple a dirty look, and rush to Tricks.

TRICKS: "This is the weirdest thing ever, I only had two other drinks before this."
ZIP: "Yeah, but they were long islands. That's like five drinks."
TRICKS: "I feel awful, I can't move. Someone had to have put something in my drink."
ZIP: "You're in a gay bar!!!"
TRICKS: "Yo, I just got roofied in a gay bar."

I yell for Bird to get our coats, I'm putting us in a cab and going home. Bird has two drinks in his hand... Tricks screams at him to stop drinking the drink she put down on the table. He hesitates but complies. She's alternating between about to pass out standing up and screaming at Bird. I carry her out of the bar and get us into a cab.

Tricks collapses into my lap and begins hysterically crying. I'm not sure what to do. The cab driver's eyes get very wide in the rear view mirror. Tricks, in all her roofied glory, handles her scandal. She sits up and smiles.

TRICKS: "HEEEY, CAN YOU TURN ON THE RADIO. I'd LOVE me some Z100."

With the metaphorical sound blanket of Lady Gaga, Tricks collapses back into my lap and cries.

We're back at the apartment. I'm googling "what to do when I get roofied." Tricks is boiling hot dogs and hysterically laughing. It's 4am, and we're cursing our luck.

Some gay guy either tried to roofie one of my hot gay friends, or thought that Tricks (in her dance sweats and ponytail) was a really hot dude.

Danny Affleck

Y'all remember Affleck? Well, he's got his own site now. He's a music video maker/sports PR/playboy from LA, who happens to be a very good friend of mine. Watch out for him, he's a fast-rising badass.

Mice.

I just had to kill the 7th or 8th mouse I've ever had to kill in my lifetime. This has happened in the past 2 year span I've lived north of W 80th street in NYC.

I always fucking catch them in traps. Now, the traps don't work automatically and break the necks... they just kind of clamp down on said mice and pin them cruelly. Now, this is ALWAYS after the mice have spent the past few days eating ALL the bait off the mouse traps without a hitch.

My theory: they feast away, delicately dance from trap to trap, eating the mounds of peanut butter or other buffet treat I've laid out for them, and return to their burrow full and safe from harm. I wake up to mouse traps completely untouched and without the bait. Then, two days later, they are so fat from the all-you-can-eat spread I've given them for the past few nights... they get lazy and fat and roll on the empty mouse trap (which I haven't refilled because I'm fucking tired of serving rats,) effectively causing the trap to snap down at an awkward angle and leave them alive but fucked.

So then I find them, start to feel bad for being mean to animals (even though I've been chasing them around with butcher knives... no joke... this is on camera,) and carry it to the kitchen where I have to Derek the Serial Killer it: I put it in some sort of plastic wrap/cardboard box environment and smash it's head with a hammer wrapped in a plastic bag, held by my pretty little pink-gloved hands.

Then I cry like a baby for killing an animal and snuggle with Olivia, my dog.

Why the macabre ballet? Because I can't just be one of those New Yorkers who throw the seriously injured rodent in a trash can and let it slowly die over the course of four days. I'm trying to be humane.

I type this, sobbing, as I look at the rat-poison blocks I've hidden all over my apartment because I just can't take it anymore. I'm leaving my apartment for two months... I'll let my roommates Bird and Tricks deal with the mice I've poisoned and tortured.

Thoughts on Masculinity

Here are some of my recent thoughts on masculinity. This is a response I gave to another instructor about one of his students. The student has been described as "campy."

I didn't get what "campy" meant... so the instructor sent this video:



So the video is extremely campy. The student in question is no where near as "affectedly feminine" as Marco from Big Brother. In the UK, campy means "acts slightly gay, girly, silly, while still being straight." The word defined this way was COMPLETELY new to me... but I digress.

The instructor wanted to know if the student's natural tendency to be silly/girly was a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to attracting women.

Of course I think that people should be themselves. However, let's concentrate on being the best possible version of "themselves." I advised that he use his perceived femininity to get in with girls where other obviously straight males may fail. This "campy" quality can build instant rapport and comfort with women and even other logical men.

Playing with femininity can be an incredible asset in meeting women.

However, in order to make it work, he has to be able to FLIP IT and put on a strong, masculine, dominant, and sexual frame when he's isolated the chick. Or when the situation calls for an alpha omega male.

That's the only way I can see it working. To be able to flip back and forth and still be congruent.

I do a bit of gender-bending myself when I'm trying to attract a man. Men are initially attracted to me because I have masculine traits. Then, I'm able to become powderpuffy and girly, and it hooks them for years- I swear.

I'm dating a guy right now that uses his natural femininity to "get in" where others can't. He's got this Valentino quality to him that is graceful and cruel at the same time. He is undoubtedly a man, but is so comfortable in who he is that he uses his feminine characteristics as a sort of peacocking.


-------------
This has led me to a conclusion:

In my opinion... there are four things for men (general categories that can be assigned adjectives.)

1.) Alpha
2.) Beta
3.) Alpha Omega
4.) Omega

What are words you associate with Alpha? Beta? Alpha Omega? Omega? Let's put them in order of wuss to asshole: (this goes for any sexuality... gay or straight men)

omega: no vision of self, complete lack of confidence, drone, eunuch, illogical emotional
beta: second in command, needy, weak, humanitarian, logical emotional
alpha: first, leader, authoritative, strong, humanist, logical
alpha omega: fixed, cocky, asshole, bull-headed, puffed-up, illogical, mustache (jk)

Okay, so... masculinity that is attractive to women is alpha. Now, that also includes alpha that swings naturally back and forth between a touch of beta and a touch of alpha omega.

For example: when I first meet a guy, if he's a bit cocky or a bit of an asshole with a smile (alpha omegaish) it's attractive. If a guy has a bit of feminine grace to him (beta) it's attractive. But he needs to have the essence, confidence, and leadership abilities of the alpha.

A true leader knows when to lead and when to follow. A true leader (alpha) knows when to lead (alpha omega) and when to follow (beta.)

How does this translate for your [straight male friend who is described as campy?] He needs to understand that women will be more open to him because of his campy ways. He also needs to understand what it means for HIM to be a man... however that translates. He can still be "himself" and "alpha."

1.) He needs to take leadership opportunities (take her hand and lead her through the bar, lead a group to another venue, take control of the crowd and tell them to stop pushing the bar, etc.) and it needs to be done in a calm, logical, resonate, authoritative way.

2.) He needs to own his sexuality. He must be able to create a sexual frame that is comfortable, strong, enticing, but NOT horny. This should be done physically through kino escalation and verbally by raising her buying temperature and expressing his comfort in his human sexuality.

3.) He needs to be logical. And not needy. However, he needs to be logical while honoring emotion and he needs to be not needy of anything from people he's just met (or are not of deserving quality) but NEEDY to the world for experience. This is a tricky concept, do you understand this point?